I AM TIRED

It's been a rough month. As posted earlier, my little kitten Eris (8 months old) is dying. It's been a slow downhill process, this past week being the most she has declined.

I spend my weekdays running home at lunch to feed her (sometimes with a syringe because she doesn't eat enough). So I spend my weekends making sure she can just eat on her own, which means putting food in front of her every couple of hours.

She really wants to sleep with me. Part of the time is spent in her basket, part is spent sleeping on my chest and part of the time is spent sleeping under the covers with me. Because she is incontinent, there is a logistical issue that needs me to be not in a deep sleep to ensure she is on her "puddle pad".

Because I'm not sleeping very deeply, I've slowly felt run down and VERY tired. The last few nights because she's so restless, I've been putting her and her basket in the bathroom so I can get a few hours of deep sleep. It makes me feel guilty, but I also know that I can't be her caregiver if I'm exhausted.

My teenage son is has been so supportive and sweet. He understands the severity of her condition and gets choked up when we talk about the end. I couldn't go through this without him.

I continue to find the balance between her being comfortable and happy and me wanting her to stay with me. I think the end is getting closer....

Is My DVR Really My Friend?

My DVR is becoming my enemy. Not only are there great new shows on TV (Project Runway, Men of a Certain Age, 30 Rock, Glee, NCIS (old school and nouveaux) and all these show that my 15 year old son has me watching (Burn Notice, Chuck, White Collar).

BTW, Scott Bakula is my secret celebrity crush (okay not a secret now!). Yummy!

Then there are all the old shows that I'm starting to get into (Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy). So when do I find the time to watch all these shows? I think my ass has made a permanent indentation into my couch!

Anyone feel like staging an intervention?

True Love

How do you put the love for a pet into words? Some people don't understand how a small furry animal can be loved and mourned just as much as their human counterpart.

In my life I've lost a dog as a child and 4 cats as an adult. Each one has been a friend and a companion. Animals have a sixth sense when you are happy or sad, troubled or joyful.

My sweet 7 month old kitten Eris has been sick since New Year's Eve. Her condition is incurable. I am so angry that such a sweet little girl has had her life cut so short.

Right now I am keeping her comfortable, feeding her and giving her a lot of love. Every time I touch her she purrs and knows that she is surrounded by love.

My teenage son has shown her such affection and has been so supportive of my my rollercoaster of emotions. He promised me to be there when the time comes to put her down.

So how do you know when the time has come to end her life. There is a fine line between when it is about her and when it is about me. I hope that when the time comes I will know the difference.

Today is not the day, and probably not tomorrow, but the day is in the near future.

Sniff, dab.